The Perfect Valentine Card

It's February, and for you lucky, loved-up people that probably means celebrating Valentine's Day. I'm not expecting to send or receive any cards this year but I'm a good sport, so let me help you choose the perfect card for the object of your affection.

Humour is the way to everyone's heart IMHO so here are ten suggestions that mostly come with a heavy dose. If you share my humour you can buy the card by clicking the image. Enjoy!

1. When You Want to Play it Cool

Whether they have an already inflated ego you don't want to massage or you want to maintain an element of mystery about just how strong your feelings are, this might be the perfect card:

2. Other Brands are Available

You might not be one of the hundred million Netflix subscribers out there. Or if you're like me, Netflix and Chill really does mean relax with a movie that you actually want to see. So, if your intention is something else this card says it a lot more clearly:

3. When You Want to Make a Point

Some might say this is passive aggressive. I say take your chances where you can get them! I'm sure you could make your own card with a more appropriate message - perhaps "...you never change the toilet roll / you take selfies at the gym / you always quote 80s movies."

4. Don't Hate on the Eighties

Okay, I know that probably offended some of you. If you hold the 80s as dear as the person you're card shopping for then maybe this one?

5. When You Want to Make a Statement

Perhaps you are the grand gesture sort. Or maybe you just want have a laugh when they jump out of their skin with one of these 'Boom Bombs' then make them clean up the confetti afterwards:

6. When You've Still to DTR

(Define the Relationship)

You haven't had "the conversation". Do you or don't you get a card? Get this one!

7. Not a People Person

Since I've picked a few for this category, I'm realising I might belong to it ! One of these is definitely how I currently see my next declaration of love:

8. Palentines and Galentines

Not sold on the name, but WHY have I never heard of this? The Card Factory has a section of cards for your mates. Friendships are definitely worth celebrating; they are often more enduring than romantic relationships. Still, I can't help thinking Jonathan might be disappointed with the message on this card:

9. For a Loved One Who Got Out of a Toxic Relationship

This is also very important. We might know it's stupid and irrational to miss an abusive or otherwise seriously flawed partner. We may know Valentine's Day is just another excuse for retail companies to cash in. But it doesn't stop the pangs of loneliness when it feels like the rest of the world is hearts and flowers. You might just have a friend who needs reminded that they're cared for on February the 14th and not by someone who was bringing them down. This one is a great balance of sensitivity and disdain!

10. For the Ones Who Are Truly in Love

No I did NOT tear up when I was browsing these ones! But seriously, only you can really know how to say "I love you" to that special person. This card says it in many languages, but you can add your own picture, and as they are worth a thousand words, maybe that is all you need to show your partner just what they mean to you if you can't find the words.